Your kids will eventually come to you asking what age they are allowed to date.

Don't tell them! Don't give them an age!
Almost every parent who does regrets it.

The age parents set is usually 16, but I've seen it be as young as 12. Let me make the case that even 18 is not the age you should give.

Telling your child that they can date at a certain age inadvertently removes the responsibility they have in personal preparation. When they reach, say, their 16th birthday, boom, they have met the requirements — because that is the requirement you gave them.

Instead, instill in them a standard for proper dating relationships. If they meet that standard at 18, fine, at 17, fine, at 24, still fine.

Rather than an arbitrary date on a calendar, give them something that will guide them and even drive them even after they've left your home.

A good standard should be summed up with the question, "are you ready to marry?"

Marriage should be the intention of any romantic pursuit. Recreational dating does not honor God's design, or the person you are dating.

For us, it is simple, being ready to be married is the minimal version of:

• Ladies being ready to run a household
• Men being ready to support and lead a household

I've seen this play out and there are some practical benefits of being marriage-ready before dating:

• It helps young people choose better when they think of someone as wife or husband material
• It weeds out players who are not serious
• It drives young people to responsibly sooner

Not only are we trying to honor God's design but we want to mitigate the very serious heartache and pain that results from broken relationships that many of us have experienced.

This path is not easy, not for parents or young folks. Everyone else around you will just go along with the culture of casual dating. Other parents will say "what's the big deal", but many will secretly wish they had done it your way.

Revival in the hearts of young lovers!

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. —Proverbs 22:6

Teaching people to give 10% of their income to their local church is not biblical. This popular teaching is obviously taken from the biblical covenant tithe God commanded from Israel but in its modern form looks almost nothing like what God commanded. Further, it assumes we as the Body of Christ have taken the nation of Israel's place in their covenant with God rather than having our own and separate gentile covenant with Him.

Why is this important?

1. At stake is a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of God's covenant with us. The covenant of Grace Alone was supposed to be radically different from God's covenant of Law with Israel.
2. At stake is the understanding of how we read scripture and apply it to our lives. The modern church takes God's law of tithing and cherry picks pieces from it and then further twists those cherry picked pieces to fit into our modern church system. We need to be true to the scriptures in all areas and be careful not to mishandle them. Deuteronomy 12:32
3. At stake are familial priorities that may conflict with each other like -- giving to church or keeping mom at home, giving to the church or taking care of aging parents, giving to church or giving to the poor or destitute. God says that he that fails to provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever. If God in fact does not expect a full tithe from us, struggling young families could be neglecting their duties or stay struggling for longer by following a false teaching.

Why God gave the tithe to Israel

1. To remember God's covenant — God wanted Israel to remember His covenant with them, that if they obeyed Him he would bless their land and livestock. Taking 10% of the nations food and having a massive feast was a way of teaching Israel not to rely on their food stores but instead regularly splurge and learn to rely on God. Deuteronomy 14:23;16:15;26:15
2. To provide for the landless Levites — The Levites were not free to provide for themselves and had no land of their own. God instead promised to provide for them through regular offerings and a tithe every three years. Numbers 18:21, Deuteronomy 14:28
3. To provide for the orphans, widows and foreigners — God had a number of ways for Israel to provide for the poor, the tithe was just one of them. Deuteronomy 14:29

What is the tithe God commanded:

The tithe was "of the land" and "of the herds" and was distributed on a 3 year cycle so that for 2 years it was used for a feast and the 3rd year was given to the Levites (and the poor).

The Israelites did not tithe for decades after God commanded it. This is because the tithe was to be from the promised land which took 40 years to possess.

So what was the tithe?

• A covenant with Israel — Or more specifically "one part" of Gods covenant with Israel. Deuteronomy 1:1, Leviticus 1:2, Malachi 1:1
• Food — The 10th number of any agricultural produce (stuff you grew from the ground or livestock raised). Deut 14:22, Lev 27:30-33, Luke 11:42
• Used to party — Israel was commanded to eat their tithe at the week long festival called the Feast of Tabernacles. Deuteronomy 14:22-27;16:16-17
• Used to provide for the Levites — Only on year 3. Deuteronomy 14:28, 26:12–15
• It is to be given once a year — Deuteronomy 14:22
• It was mandatory — God stated that the tithe was His. Failure to give all of it was equivalent to robbing Him and would result in being cursed instead of blessed. Malachi 3:9, Deuteronomy 12:32

What tithing is not:

• It is not the first fruits. — If a man had 11 sheep he was to give only the 10th one as a tithe. If a man had 9 sheep he wasn't expected to give anything. The book of Numbers specifically talks about the giving of firstfruits separate from the tithe — Deuteronomy 26:1-4. Firstfruits must be your best, but with the tithe "No one may pick out the good from the bad or make any substitution." - Leviticus 27:32-33
• It is not money
  – God told Israel that if the place he choose for them to take the tithe was far that they should sell the tithe for money. Then when they arrived at their destination they should use the money to buy the food locally. Deuteronomy 14:24– When God first explained the tithe to Israel he told them it was "of the land" or "of herds and flocks" and that it should not be substituted for anything else (like money). However, if you did convert your tithe to money you would have to add 20% to it. Interesting.
  Lev 27:30-33
• Is is not for gentiles — Tithing was only commanded for Israel, God never expected gentiles to tithe because God did not have a covenant with them. A gentile could not simply do the things from God's national covenant with Israel and expect to be blessed. That is not how covenants work.
• It was not given to the priests — The tithe was given to a tribe, a people group, in Israel called the Levites. The Levites then gave a tithe of the tithe to the Levite priests. Numbers 18:26

Real world example

Here is how many teach the tithe should work today

Lets say a farmer had 10,000 bushels of corn from harvest. The average farmer today has many expenses and typically makes about 40% profit from what they sell. If the farmer sells the 10,000 bushels for $100,000, his expenses to produce that crop was likely around $60,000. In the end the total cash profits would be $40,000 (before taxes). Many teach today that this farmer should give $4,000 of this profit to their local church.

Here is how God said the tithe should work for that same farmer today

Only a farmer would tithe, his neighbor who only runs a successful business repairing farm equipment, tithes nothing.

God did not command a tenth of profit after expenses, He commanded a tenth of what was produced be the tithe.

Since the farmer produced 10,000 bushels he is to take 1,000 bushels to the place God designates and eat it as part of a feast 2 out of 3 years. Every third year the farmer would give his tithe to the Levites the orphan and the widow. The cash value is $10,000. Alternatively the farmer could sell the 1,000 bushels and give the cash to the Levites but he would then be required by God to add 20% to the tithe which would then be a total of $12,000.

Takeaway: Modern tithing and biblical tithing work out to be very different in practical terms, even from a dollar amount perspective.

Tithing scriptures outside of the Mosiac Law

Abraham - The first tithe

Genesis 14:19

Abraham attacked and defeated Chedorlaomer because he had taken his nephew Lot after defeating Sodom.

Abraham gave a tenth of the spoils Chedorlaomer had taken from Sodom to Melchizedek, a priest of God. Sodom was grateful to Abraham for delivering them and said Abraham could keep the rest of the spoils that he now possessed but Abraham said he would do no such thing and gave everything else back to the Sodomites.

Takeaway — Abraham's gift to Melchizedek was not anything like the tithe God set for Israel. It was 10% of someone else's stuff and he even gave the remaining 90% back to it's rightful owner.

Jacob vowed to give God a tithe

Genesis 28:22

Jacob offered to make a covenant with God that if God blessed him he would give God 10% of this wealth.

Takeaway — Jacob volunteered this tithe, it was not commanded by God and scripture never follows up with if or how Jacob gives this tithe since there were no Levites or priests at this time. God may have taken Jacob's early vow to give God a tenth and incorporated into His national covenant for Israel but there is no direct indication of this.

Jesus taught tithing should not be neglected

Matt 23:23

Jesus rebuked the Pharisees because they kept the letter of the law but not the heart of the law. Jesus expected people to do both. The Pharisees kept the Moseaic tithing law by giving a tenth of their produce even though it was only herbs from their garden. We know the Pharisees has money, they gave Judas 30 pieces of silver to betray Jesus, but they did not tithe from their money only from their gardens as the law required and Jesus affirmed their doing this.

Takeaway: The Pharisees knew that the tithe was food and not money.

How we should give today

Paul was the apostle to the gentiles and teaches how we should live as the Body of Christ. His teachings were in contrast to the Laws of Moses and even Jesus' teaching that affirmed all of the Laws of Moses.

Paul teaches giving is different under grace

The tithe was compulsory (Malachi 3:10, Lev 27:30-33). Paul teaches gentiles that they should not give out of compulsion but rather what you have decided in your heart - 2 Cor 9:7. This is in stark contrast to not only tithing but law living in general.

Pay pastors well

The apostle Paul exhorts us:

Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching. For the Scripture says, “You shall not muzzle an ox when it treads out the grain,” and, “The laborer deserves his wages.” -1 Tim 5:17-18

Thoughts on how we should teach church giving

Although giving to our local churches is important, it needs to fit in with other biblical priorities. Responsible leaders will teach families to prioritize their finances towards personal responsibility before church or ministry.

Things more important than giving to church

1. Reasonable food, shelter
2. Reasonable education for children
3. Reasonable rest (vacation and days off)
4. Reasonable retirement savings
5. Helping family and friends in times of need
6. Having mom stay home with the children
7. Being prepared to care for aging parents

Final takeaway

Again, to summarize, the modern teaching of tithing today is wrong in both its detail and application.

Modern tithing is not true to scriptures

Everything that I command you, you shall be careful to do. You shall not add to it or take from it.
Deuteronomy 12:32

In other words, you cannot keep God's covenant of tithing in your own way. You must follow the law to the letter. As shown, modern teachings on tithing, both adds and takes away from the commands of God on it which is in direct violation of God's command.

Tithing does not bring a blessing but brings a curse

Tithing is of the Law. God told Israel that failure to tithe would bring your under a curse:

You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me, the whole nation of you.
Malachi 3:9

In contrast Paul, the Apostle to the Gentiles, tells us that we are under a curse for relying on following the law:

For all who rely on works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, “Cursed be everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the Law, and do them.”
Galations 3:10

After nearly two decades of marriage I have realized that understanding the opposite sex is a journey that will never end. I will never fully understand womanhood. However, one thing I have come closer to understanding is the way a mother is with her children. It is a sight to behold. As a father I love and cherish my children so much I don’t know how I could love them more, yet mothers somehow do love them more. Their entire being is wrapped up in nurturing and caring for their babes.

A man can little comprehend the kind of bond a mother forms with her child. A bond that endures for a lifetime.

Even before a child is conceived, a woman, especially when they enter the stability and safety of a marriage, desires to bare children. It is the way God made them.

When my wife and I were engaged we talked about children and learned we both wanted a large family. From the beginning, the decision of when and if to have each child has been mostly easy and stress free — we were aligned.

It is not like this with all marriages. Some men have very strong opinions about these decisions. Some are willing to deny the child their wife desires.

And here is my point. To deny your wife the children she desires is to deny her deepest and most basic need.

And why do we decide another child is out of the question?

• They cost too much?
• They are too much hard work?
• They take too much of our time?

What foolishness.

• Somehow our nice home doesn’t cost too much.
• Somehow our busy career is not too much hard work.
• Somehow our hobbies are not take too much of our time.

Listen, I am not under any illusions here. I understand that there can be vast and nuanced factors in deciding to have another child. But if you are honest do any of them hold water?

Maybe your wife has told you she is done. Maybe you have discussed it together. That is good and fine. But beware, there is a strong stigma in our culture towards having too many children. She may suppress her true feelings for more children to appear “reasonable” to society, friends, family, or even you.

I’ve heard from many women in their older years voice regret of stopping too soon. Undoubtably at least part of the reason they stopped was due to some form of societal pressure.

Christian men should not be part of this system that pressures women to deny their godly desire for children. This is toxic masculinity. We are commanded to respect women as the “weaker” vessel. As husbands we can and should set the tone for our families of loving self-sacrifice.

So… what if you asked your wife what she wanted in a way that was free from guilt or judgment and were actually willing to sacrifice your desires for her deepest one. How could that go wrong?

(Alternate title: The benevolent tyrant.)

Don’t give into societal pressure to allow your kids to do things you don’t want them to do. Be a tyrant.

This is the job. Take courage and stand strong.

The culture is seductive. All their friends are liberated and unconstrained. You have to be fearless in the face these pressures.

Love says no. When my kids ask me why I don’t let them do something that their friends are allowed to I respond with the (only slightly) tongue-in-cheek, “because I love you more than than their parents love them.“

Can I have candy for breakfast? No.

Can I go to a sleepover? No.

Can I play video games all weekend? No.

Can I watch a vulgar movie? No.

Can I watch a movie that is just a little vulgar? No.

Can I have the internet in my pocket? No.

Can I have a girlfriend? No.

Can I have boyfriend? No.

Can I be lazy? No.

Can I talk back? No.

Can I sulk in my room? No!

But in order to be a benevolent tyrant that wins the affection of your children you have to say yes more than other parents might.

Dad, can we do some gruelingly boring and unexciting yet morally upright activity that I love? Yes!

Dad, can I do something that is highly inconvenient for you but incredibly exciting for me? Yes!

Even find fun and exciting things for them to do on your own. Be proactive in winning their affections and molding their desires.

The culture we live in is toxic. The fight is everyday. The stakes are high. Never give in, never give up. Never, never, never give up.

The Bible is the foundation of the Christian faith and much work has gone into its creation and canonization. In many parts of the world the scriptures, which we take for granted, are difficult to come by or forbidden.

We should take seriously the duty and privilege of studying the scriptures. As parents, we have the double duty to make sure we are teaching our children the scriptures and more importantly, the love of God’s word and how to study it for themselves. Biblically illiterate children make for biblically illiterate adults. Our families and even our civilization are only one generation away from losing the ground that previous generations have fought so hard to keep.

A sacred duty of parents not the church

Even well meaning and biblically literate parents can be easily dissuaded from playing an active role in training their children in the scriptures. Usually, this comes through well-meaning children and youth programs our churches provide.

Some churches have moved away from doing children's and youth ministries in an effort to make sure children are parent led rather than youth minister led.

Either way, parents need to strongly and assertively take the lead in teaching their children how to read and navigate scripture.

Start them young with the stories

I love how many Bible resources there are today to put in front of our children. Even before they can read your children can get a head start with the Picture Bible, the Minecraft Bible, the Action Bible, the Good and Evil Bible, and so many more.

The Bible is a story and understanding that story is so important to understanding the Bible’s details.

When we read the Bible together as a family I can't tell you how many times my younger children will run and grab one of these picture Bibles and open right to the story we are in.

Read the Bible to them

Reading the Bible as a family has so many benefits. One of them is that your little ones who can't yet read get to hear it. One of my friends has been doing this for years, and they are now well into their second time through the whole Bible.

I'd encourage you to primarily read the actual Bible rather than a children's Bible or Picture Bible. Feel free to embellish it with different voices or act portions out to keep it fun and interesting.

Buy them a new Bible

My brother Nathan has given each of his children a Bible after they are old enough to read. It honestly never crossed my mind to buy my children a Bible since we have so many sitting around. Each of my kids as claimed a Bible from the stack we had.

I noticed in my brother’s family that gift of a Bible set a milestone for each child to look forward to and laid an important foundation in their mind as to the importance of this book. Now each of my readers has their very own ESV study Bible and I can tell the pride they take in it.

I wanted this Bible to be the same one that I use rather than a “youth” Bible. Not only can this Bible be one they use for a lifetime but also makes them peers with me in the studying of God’s Word.

Use creeds, confessions & catechisms

Christians over the years have come up with ways to summarize and teach biblical concepts. Creeds and confessions have been useful to succinctly differentiate one set of beliefs from another. In turn, they have also been used as teaching tools. Catechisms, in a similar pattern, have been created to teach a set of doctrines in the form of a question and answer that can be memorized by students.

These can be useful tools in Bible study as long as they do not replace the careful study of God's word.

Teach these creeds and confessions to your children when they are young, but make sure they can defend them with scripture when they are older.

Creeds can give a young person and their parents a false sense of biblical understanding, however, when used correctly they can be a useful guide as they were intended.

Here is a good resource of common creeds, confessions, and catechisms.

Be their Bible study role model

My father was a Navy SEAL; you don't get much cooler of a role model than that. But one of the most important things my father modeled for me was being a Bible student. I remember him rising early every morning with a Bible, notebook and pen on the kitchen table, not just reading the Bible but studying it.

It is important to be the Bible student you want your children to be, but then take that extra step and make it visible to them. Do it in a time and place where they can see you doing it.

Set your expectations high

I have been continually surprised at how my children rise to meet expectations we have for them at both young and older ages. This is a lesson I have learned that applies to many areas of life not just spiritual.

Our modern society has lost expectations for our children across the board. Our churches have bought into this too. We have separate Sunday school, and even separate church service for our children and teenagers. Churches end up “dumbing” down the Bible for young people or try to make it more “relevant”.

Let the Bible stand on its own and let’s give our youth the benefit of high expectations.

Take teens & pre-teens to adult Bible study with you

Many churches have separate Bible studies or Sunday school classes for adults and teenagers. That kind of thing both discourages parent directed Bible learning and insinuates there are different ways young people should be learning the Bible. There isn't.

If the parents are going to a Bible study, the children should attend the same one. Pre-teens are a good age to start, but even the younger ones will benefit from seeing their parents discuss scripture with others.

Force the discipline

I was listening to a podcast of Navy SEAL Jocko Willlink as he was discussing leadership in the military. He was saying that one thing you learn in the military is that when it comes to soldiers in the field the primary job you have as a leader is to tell your young soldiers what they already know to do and to remind them to do it over and over again.

Your children are young recruits. They need constant prodding to brush their teeth, comb their hair, and clean their room... every... single... day. Religious disciplines are no different. Some may think that disciplines like Bible study and even prayer need to come from inward motivations or else they will be just mundane tasks and our kids will learn to despise them.

First of all, I have not seen that be the case. Furthermore, many Christian adults who love God admit they don't commit to these disciplines like they want to, how much more will a teenager struggle with these same commitments?

Introduce them to Bible study tools

There are a number of basic Bible study resources and tools built right into many Bibles.

• Bible Maps: Introduce them to using Bible maps which help use visually understand the locations, routes, and even distances that scripture refers to.
• Cross References: These references in the margins of our Bibles are used to bring context when scripture references other scripture.
• Concordance: With the internet and electronic Bibles at our finger tips, a concordance doesn’t seem as necessary but for our young readers who don’t have access to these online tools, looking up topics and terms in the back of their Bible can be the beginning of their Bible study practice early on.

Warn them of pop-Christianity

Relevance: The Bible is not relevant (and that is ok)

Our family has just finished up studying the book of Leviticus. One of the things you realize when studying that book of the Bible is how much of the Bible is not relevant to us. The tabernacle, the altar, the golden table of showbread. Then there are all of the sacrifices and the blood, so much blood, sprinkled on this and that. Our sensitive 5 year-old Jonah had to cover his ears at times. This book by it’s self had little to no personal take-a-ways or life lessons.

However, we have been having a wonderful time learning how God worked with his chosen nation of Israel. This knowledge helps us understand the mindset of the people in that part of the world at the time and how God was trying to teach them and prepare their hearts for relationship with him. We also get the framework for understanding the death and resurrection of Jesus which leads us to a richer understanding of the gospel message.

In teaching our kids about how to study the Bible we talk about how to read it. Children are often times not expected to gain anything from scripture unless it is packaged neatly into a lesson that is relevant and can be applied to their life immediately. Nah! The Bible is a rich book if you read it for what it is — a history of who God is, what He is like, what He expects from us, and how He has interacted with this world over the years. It is less of a self-help book, a devotional, or rules for living.

Not only is relevance over-rated, it can be dangerous. We can try to force stories, prophecies, rules, and directives to apply to ourselves when it was not meant to. I find that when you give yourself permission to read the Bible without having to have a take-a-way, it can be a much more consistently rewarding experience and time of growth.

The one relevant thing after reading through the gory details of the book of Leviticus is this: God ultimately cares about what is in our heart, everything else is just a means to that end.

Humanism: What does this verse mean to you?

Sometimes the scriptures tell us what to do and other times it tells us what other people have done. Some label these “descriptive text” versus “prescriptive text”.

When you read the Bible ask God to help you understand what you are reading, but never ask for Him to reveal what it means for you. There is only one meaning, scripture is not spooky or magical like that. There are many who view the Bible this way. They will even open the Bible to a random place and ask God to speak to their specific situation. That is superstitious non-sense. The Bible means the same thing for all who read it.

Scripture as self-help & life lessons

Pop-Christianity tends to take a humanist approach to reading and teaching scripture where everything is about me — promises for me, blessings for me, wisdom for me, and life lessons for me. Now there is plenty of scripture that fits into those categories, but if we only look on scripture for self-help and life application we miss so much of the richness and benefit that God has for us.

And Samuel hacked Agag to pieces before the Lord in Gilgal.
— 1 Samuel 15:33

Not exactly a scripture with personal application.

When we study scripture we should learn:

• the heart and character of God
• the history of God’s interaction with the world
• the history of man’s interactions with God
• God’s intention in creation
• Godly wisdom
• a biblical worldview, ie. how God sees and created things to be

Not everything in the Bible has personal application. We should seek to understand the importance and meaning in each book of the Bible we read, reading to understand it for what it is and not manipulate it and read into it some forced meaning that the author never intended. It is okay to read scripture and walk away with no direct application to your life.

Conclusion

So start the work of training at a young age. Instill in them the disciplines that they can carry with them the rest of their life. Give them the tools and the frameworks that will be the foundation for them to flourish in their Christian walk.

Some parents place a larger emphasis on experiencing God or immersing their children in Christian culture in order to keep them on the right path, but I believe a solid understanding of God's word is the most important thing that will set them up for a life of love and devotion to our good and gracious King of Kings.

Years ago, the Barna research group put together a report based on polling data among Christian families called “Parents Accept Responsibility for Their Child’s Spiritual Development But Struggle With Effectiveness”.

The biggest take away was the following:

The survey data indicate that parents generally rely upon their church to do all of the religious training their children will receive. Parents are not so much unwilling to provide more substantive training to their children as they are ill-equipped to do such work. According to the research, parents typically have no plan for the spiritual development of their children; do not consider it a priority, have little or no training in how to nurture a child’s faith, have no related standards or goals that they are seeking to satisfy, and experience no accountability for their efforts.

The responsibility of the spiritual development of the family falls squarely on the parents, primarily the father. The research by Barna suggests that most families (85%) already believe this. However, the fact that “a majority of parents do not spend any time during a typical week discussing religious matters or studying religious materials with their children” reveals a major gap in desire versus action.

Fathers

Fathers, God will hold us responsible for the duty of teaching and training our children or the lack thereof. The responsibility for the vision, the plan, and the execution belongs to us; we need to take it seriously.

We can delegate instruction to Christian educators and pastors but it must be under our supervision and be an addition to our instruction and not the overwhelming majority of it.

Outsource culture

Our modern American culture is big on sending our children away to be taught by others. We send our children to schools to receive their academic instruction in things like reading, writing, arithmetic, and history. We send them to sports groups to be coached in football, volleyball, or soccer. And finally we send them to children’s church, youth group, and bible camp to be instructed in the Bible and spiritual matters.

Now just as a sobering aside:

• My coach was a pervert and womanizer who taught us how to take advantage of women.
• My school teacher was godless and worshipped evolution.
• My youth pastor went to jail for molesting boys.
• My pastor groomed and molested someone on his staff.

Even if these outside roles are solid and wholesome like many are, they still should not replace or even outpace the role of mom and dad.

The sobering fact is research shows that:

A majority of parents do not spend any time during a typical week discussing religious matters or studying religious materials with their children

— Barna Research Group

Christian parents are not engaging their God-given role of teaching and training their children, not realizing that this role can not be replaced or delegated. God told Israel to diligently teach his statutes to their children day and night.

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
— Deuteronomy 6:4–7 (NKJV)

God instituted sabbaths and feasts that were intended to be a tool for parents to teach their children about the things God has done and the promises He has made.

Parents should be the primary source of biblical and spiritual instruction to their children and fathers should be leading this effort with diligence and fortitude.

Excuses

“But we are all so busy. How do I find time to add one more thing to my plate?”
Well it depends on the priority you put on this task. Here are some ideas:

• Stop watching TV.
• Stop going to the gym.
• Get up earlier in the morning.
• Take the kids out of sports.
• Drop out of another group you are in.
• Even skip a Sunday of church once a month (sacrilege I know ;))

We live in the most affluent time and place in all of history. We have less excuse than anytime in history for not being able to spend time on something as important as the spiritual development of our children.

Write down your plan

“OK, you’ve convinced me, I’ll make the time. But how do I get started?”

Just like any other area of your life, failure to plan is planning to fail. A lack of goals will result in achieving very little. Only through diligent goal setting and disciplined execution can we achieve worthwhile things. Just a little planning goes a long way.

When it comes to developing your family spiritually here are the kinds of things we should be planning and preparing for:

• Plan your daily, weekly, and monthly routines. Bible reading times, discussion times, family worship times, prayer times, etc.
• Biblical concepts and doctrines you want to teach this month or year.
• People in in your circles and community that you want to be an influence to your family and how you can be intentional to make that happen.

Find support

If you don’t know anybody else doing this kind of stuff you are not alone. If the research is true then the vast majority of even good, solid Christian families in your circles likely don’t even have this on their radar.

It is important to find other families that practice regular family worship and discipleship. Seek them out if you have to. Dad, if you need, go find some solid brothers and ask them to join you and you can figure this out together. Speaking of solid brothers, every elder in your church should be, by definition, a “solid brother”. Seek one of them out and ask them to walk along side you on this path. (Ideally your church elders are seeking you out about these kinds of things as well.)

Here is the help a community of like-minded families can be:

• Accountability to keep to our regular routines.
• Ideas for things to do and teach.
• Sharing our successes and failures. (Knowing other people are struggling as much as you are can be motivation to keep at it.)

My story

I’ve believed in the importance of the father’s role in regular family instruction and discipleship since my first child was a baby. I was fortunate enough to have been exposed to good teachers that highlighted these things on a regular basis, especially in the homeschool community. There have been many seasons of diligence and way too many seasons of neglect in this area of my life.

When I say that “winging it” is the most common plan for spiritual development in our children, it is not only because this is what research shows but because I have been winging it for so long myself. I have a renewed desire to make sure that those seasons of neglect are eliminated altogether through diligent planning and purposefully seeking accountability from my community.

I watched a video from Francis Chan this week that I found disheartening. I don't really know much about Francis other than he is extremely popular in evangelical circles.

The message I heard in his video message was that “God made you for more than an ordinary life”. Francis said that we should not settle for ordinary and that God has amazing plans for each of us if we would just listen to him and expect this.

Listen, I am into dreaming big and working hard to be successful in our endeavors but to say that “God did not destine you for an average life” and that “Jesus did not die on the cross so you could live ordinary lives”, leaves many people wondering what good thing they should be giving up to chase after something extraordinary.

That God wants you to do “big” things is a common theme among books and sermons in pop-Christianity. People like to hear that, they like to believe it partly because they are constantly led to believe that ordinary is not enough.

Making a living

What people need to hear is that it is good and glorious to live an ordinary Christian life, that the most ordinary things that we do have the biggest impact in this world. Doing the hard and very unglamorous jobs of processing mortgage paperwork, checking out groceries for people, installing fencing, doing customer support, or selling insurance is very ordinary. It is also very important. It is serving our neighbors and our community in ways that they need. If that is all you do for a living that is fine and it is enough.

Duties at home

What about the home-maker and the homeschooling mom. That is very ordinary, not very glamorous at all. It is hard and even thankless work often times. In my experience this ordinary and often mundane work is building the best of a whole generation of citizens, leaders, and families. It is the ordinary work that does that.
I've seen so many people dissatisfied by their ordinary work or their ordinary lives and divert their time and energy towards “the dream”.

Like I said dream big or not but don't neglect the ordinary. The ordinary things are the things that most people will never notice. It's studying the Bible and then teaching a Bible study to a small group at work our church, reading the Bible and missionary stories to your little ones, having regular deep conversations with your teenagers, and helping the single mom in your neighborhood fix up her shed.

Certain influences early on in my life caused me to be constantly dissatisfied with the ordinary but after years of specifically putting effort into developing my home life and family, and now beginning to see the fruit from that I have learned to appreciate and be content with the ordinary.

It is my mission to promote investing more into these ordinary tasks that our generation has forgotten the importance of. Now that would be something wouldn't it, maybe even extraordinary ;).

The richest and most memorable times you can have as a family are not the once in a lifetime activities together (although they can be memorable indeed) but the collection of moments from the routine activities over months and years. Unfortunately, over the years, routine family activities have declined and shifted to extra-curricular activities. School, sports, and even church activities have squeezed time out of our days and weeks and leave little for vital routines and touch points that used to be the heritage of families.

One of the ways we can reclaim this time is through a regular time of family worship. In fact it can become the foundation of family discipleship and Christian growth for the whole family.

What is it?

Family worship is simply a regular family gathering to engage in worship together. This doesn’t mean getting out the guitar and singing songs, although that may be part of it. Worship is simply lifting up the Lord with your life. This often includes prayer, reflection, and Bible reading, training, or discussion.

Why do it?

As Christian parents God has given us the responsibility and privilege to train our children in the instruction of the Lord and to shepherd their hearts (Joshua 24:15).

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. — Ephesians 6:4

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. — Proverbs 22:6

Now family worship is just a loose concept that embodies the idea of meeting together as a family unit to honor God by focusing on Him. You won’t find the words “family worship” in the Bible but the goals of it are. The catechism is a teaching technique (question and answer learning style) that is taught and practiced by many Christians too and although not found in scriptures are clearly used to achieve the goals of learning Christian doctrine.

How to do it

Who

Fathers are given the primary role of overseeing their families. Therefore the vision of family discipleship belongs to you. Include your wife and if need be sell her on the vision. Parents can take turns leading these times or lead together as gifts and abilities dictate.

Start slow

If you haven’t been doing this kind of thing just start slow and find your groove. Everyone is in a different place. You will find yourself getting discouraged if you try and take on more than you are used to. Keep it simple and keep it short.

Length

Approximately 30-90 minutes
This may change with experience, seasons, and family size and age groups. Do it too short and you don’t get value from it, too long and it may become a slog and a chore. Remember, you don’t have to fit a whole week's worth of worship, training and togetherness in this time. If you make sure you are intentional about other routine interactions with your kids and spouse through the week then there won’t be some much pressure during this time.

Frequency

One of the most important parts of the family worship is making it a routine. In order to do this you need to balance how often you do it so that it stays fresh and interesting for you and everyone else but often enough to build something in everyone. I would encourage daily touch points with the family if you can but a 90 minute activity every single day may not only feel like drudgery over time but will wear you out. Once a month doesn’t feel often enough to be effective. Once a week seems to work well for most people but mileage may vary.

At what ages do I start?

If your family consists of just you and your wife then scheduling a regular family worship time is likely not necessary. Most couples have enough alone time built into their lives when children are not in the picture. I’d suggest getting started no later than when your oldest child is old enough to read. Once other children come along let them participate as they are able and don’t worry if they can’t pay attention. However, once they are old enough to read they should be full participants.

Schedule it

A lack of scheduling plagued our family worship time for years. Rather than schedule a day and time I tried to find a time when there was nothing going on. This meant that it would be weeks or longer before we met. If scheduling isn’t your thing then make it your thing for this. It is the only way in my opinion to make sure it happens regularly. Choose the days and times and schedule it for the month. For us we do 6pm each Sunday evening

Protect it

After you schedule it, protect that time fiercely. It may not be easy. Everything may appear to conflict with your scheduled time. Feel free to move the time in the summer or even take a short break. But if you do this, do it intentionally as part of your plan for the year.

Preparation

Preparation is important for two reasons. First, you want your time together to be effective. Second, you want your family to see that this time is important. Even a little preparation goes a long way in both arenas. I would suggest setting aside some time each week to prepare for family worship. Preparation doesn’t have to take too much time. I’ve taken 10 minutes to outline a reading and some thoughts and other times I’ve taken a couple of hours to clearly communicate some Bible concepts I thought were important to dive into.

Activities

Prayer

Prayer can be something you do the same each time. Make sure prayer is more than just asking God for things. Pray for missionaries, pastors, nations, officials, strongholds, health/healing, evangelism, etc.

Bible

The ultimate form of worship is intimately knowing God through His word. How you implement Bible study may vary. Teaching your children the Bible and even Christian doctrine is so very important. Your family worship time should not be the only time this happens but it would be good to bring in one aspect of your overall Bible teaching plan as part of this time.

• Go through one chapter of a book of the Bible then have an open discussion.
• Read a devotional together.
• Watch a Bible teaching together. The Bible Project is a great resource.

Other ideas and examples

• A Sunday evening gathering of the family for an hour in which dad teaches a prepared Bible study or reads through a devotional with an interactive time of discussion and conversation. End with a time of prayer based on a list posted prominently in the home.
• Listen to or watch a Bible study series together several nights of the week. Each person takes their own personal notes during the teaching and time is taken afterword to talk through and discuss it.
• Reading a chapter of the Bible to the family at dinner time each weekday as you you make your way through a whole book. Let children who can read take turns doing the reading each time followed by discussing what was read together.

Commit

The best way to get started is to jump in with both feet. Talk to your wife about it, put it on the calendar, and then announce it to your family. Now you are committed not just to do it once or twice but as a regular family routine.

It may not be easy, your children may grumble or not pay attention. Maybe you won’t see any fruit for a while. Persevere, this is important and will produce the fruit if you stick to it.

Rinse, Tweak, Repeat

In the beginning review your time with your wife and ask the following:

• How did it go?
• Was it too long/short?
• What worked? What didn’t?

After a while you will find your groove and won’t need to do this as often. But remember each season of life changes things so don’t be afraid to change things up if they are not working for you.

As a family we have been going through a lesson of tips on how to study the Bible. It has been very good but I have noticed that the author is a King James only version proponent and believes that God somehow inspired the King James translators to preserve God's words in the English language.

It seems as though this idea that God preserved the Bible in English is a narrow cultural view. Now this doesn't prove that the KJV-only doctrine is wrong but does give me some suspicion. From personal experience I actually think the KJV is most accurate to the original language and have found glaring mistranslations in most other versions that are obviously biased to a certain theological viewpoint.
However, if God chose to preserve his word in one language would it not useful to the vast majority of the world.

As we discussed this this morning was asked Alexa some questions.

ME: Alexa, what is the current world population?
ALEXA: According to the US census bureau the world population today is approximately 7.65 billion people.

ME: Alexa, how many people natively speak English?
ALEXA: 508 million people are the speakers of English.

ME: Alexa, how many people natively speak Spanish?
ALEXA: 559 million people are the speakers of Spanish.

ME: Alexa, how many people speak Manderin?
ALEXA: 955 million people are the speakers of Manderin Chinese

So the United States and english are just one of many cultures and languages in a very big world. There are many who think God favors America (read The Light and the Glory) and some who just can't see beyond their small world. Maybe God did divinely inspire those translators hundreds of years ago knowing that english would somehow be the predominate language of the world. Well, it hasn't happened yet even though is seems like it to some. From where I sit english speakers are 6.64% of the world, a small piece of the population.

Okay kids. There are two lessons here.

#1 – The world is a big place, realize this and expand your perspective.
#2 – The Bible is important, learn about it and how to study it so you can learn about our God, our world, and ourselves.

A friend of mine posed an  interesting thesis to me the other day. He said one of the reasons he  was going to law school was because it was a craft that he knew he could  make a great living at without having to work at it. He could focus on  being the best lawyer he could be and money would never be a problem.  And because money would never be a problem he could focus on being the  best lawyer he could be.

Now I know there are a number of careers that seem to have built in  job security. I’ve never heard of an out of work doctor or nurse. For  quite awhile those jobs have been in such high demand that having a  certification as a medical doctor or nurse means almost automatic  employment with above average salaries.

But that doesn’t fly with me. There are no magic careers. How many  other degrees and certifications used to be magic that aren’t worth the  weight of the paper they are on anymore.

Mad Skills

Magic bullets are slipping away fast. So many people are finding this out the hard way. Being good at your craft is only ever half the equation for success. Here are a few of the skills you need:

Sales. You gots to be able to sell. Your craft. Your product. Yourself.

Marketing. You may be the most awesomest widget  maker around but if you don’t know how to get the word out and highlight  your unique value, you are just one in a sea of many.

Customer Service. People like to work with people that are likable and understanding.

Negotiation. You can know your stuff but if you don’t know what it is worth and how to position it, your stuff isn’t worth half as much.

General Business Sense. You may think you don’t need  to know anything about business if you are working for someone else but  the thing is, everything is all about business and you will always be in business for yourself no matter if you have a one customer or many.

Men have an innate desire and need  for accomplishment. We were built to build -- to overcome. And our  families need us to be successful in this area. Kids need a Dad who  takes pride in his work. Wives need a husband who has self-respect, is a  leader to his peers and has goals bigger than himself.

But if you are successful in all of these things and forget your family you have failed.

If you are leader in your community and industry but don't play Legos with you 6 year old (and often) -- you have failed.

If you are serving your customers well and create loads of wealth but  you wife doesn't have a smile on her face (everyday) -- you have  failed.

We can do both. We can be successful at both. We need to be successful at both.

This manifesto is not for the traditional Christian man. It eschews popular theology and even orthodox doctrine. However, I believe it is true to God's heart and true to his Word.

1. I will not rely on God for or ask Him to do the things in which He gave me charge.
2. I will provide physical and emotional protection to my wife and children by being prepared in all areas of that role including providing peace of mind by making my intentions clear.
3. I will dig ditches or peel potatoes to make sure that my family is well fed and cared for. No job is too menial, demeaning or difficult.
4. I will maintain passion and vision in all areas of my life from my work to my personal development so that my leadership is strong.
5. I will constantly re-evaluate the bar which I have set for me, my children and my marriage so that I don’t fall into the trap of complacency and low expectations.
6. I refuse to work by running down the clock but will strive to be productive and efficient every day in my work for others.
7. I believe my compensation is based not on my needs or desires but by the amount of value I create.
8. I will not make excuses — ever. I will take full responsibility for anything I have even the slightest involvement.
9. I will search for truth where ever it is found. I will ask difficult questions of myself and others. I will question popular opinion. I will question even the Bible and popular theology.
10. I will not wait for God to open doors in any area of my life but through the cultivation of my talents and abilities and through raw tenacity will create opportunities in work and ministry.
11. I will teach and train my children everyday; whether in doctrine, wisdom or life.
12. I will refuse to have the Church be the primary Biblical instruction for my family. This is my job and I will take it seriously.
13. I will bar my children from becoming punks.