Give your wife the children she desires, all of them

Christian men should not be part of a system that pressures women to deny their godly desire for children. This is toxic masculinity.

Mother holding her infant
Photo by Isaac Quesada / Unsplash

After nearly two decades of marriage I have realized that understanding the opposite sex is a journey that will never end. I will never fully understand womanhood. However, one thing I have come closer to understanding is the way a mother is with her children. It is a sight to behold. As a father I love and cherish my children so much I don’t know how I could love them more, yet mothers somehow do love them more. Their entire being is wrapped up in nurturing and caring for their babes.

A man can little comprehend the kind of bond a mother forms with her child. A bond that endures for a lifetime.

Even before a child is conceived, a woman, especially when they enter the stability and safety of a marriage, desires to bare children. It is the way God made them.

When my wife and I were engaged we talked about children and learned we both wanted a large family. From the beginning, the decision of when and if to have each child has been mostly easy and stress free — we were aligned.

It is not like this with all marriages. Some men have very strong opinions about these decisions. Some are willing to deny the child their wife desires.

And here is my point. To deny your wife the children she desires is to deny her deepest and most basic need.

And why do we decide another child is out of the question?

  • They cost too much?
  • They are too much hard work?
  • They take too much of our time?

What foolishness.

  • Somehow our nice home doesn’t cost too much.
  • Somehow our busy career is not too much hard work.
  • Somehow our hobbies are not take too much of our time.

Listen, I am not under any illusions here. I understand that there can be vast and nuanced factors in deciding to have another child. But if you are honest do any of them hold water?

Maybe your wife has told you she is done. Maybe you have discussed it together. That is good and fine. But beware, there is a strong stigma in our culture towards having too many children. She may suppress her true feelings for more children to appear “reasonable” to society, friends, family, or even you.

I’ve heard from many women in their older years voice regret of stopping too soon. Undoubtably at least part of the reason they stopped was due to some form of societal pressure.

Christian men should not be part of this system that pressures women to deny their godly desire for children. This is toxic masculinity. We are commanded to respect women as the “weaker” vessel. As husbands we can and should set the tone for our families of loving self-sacrifice.

So… what if you asked your wife what she wanted in a way that was free from guilt or judgment and were actually willing to sacrifice your desires for her deepest one. How could that go wrong?