Don’t tell your kids what age they are allowed to date
Your kids will eventually come to you asking what age they are allowed to date.
Don't tell them! Don't give them an age!
Almost every parent who does regrets it.
The age parents set is usually 16, but I've seen it be as young as 12. Let me make the case that even 18 is not the age you should give.
Telling your child that they can date at a certain age inadvertently removes the responsibility they have in personal preparation. When they reach, say, their 16th birthday, boom, they have met the requirements — because that is the requirement you gave them.
Instead, instill in them a standard for proper dating relationships. If they meet that standard at 18, fine, at 17, fine, at 24, still fine.
Rather than an arbitrary date on a calendar, give them something that will guide them and even drive them even after they've left your home.
A good standard should be summed up with the question, "are you ready to marry?"
Marriage should be the intention of any romantic pursuit. Recreational dating does not honor God's design, or the person you are dating.
For us, it is simple, being ready to be married is the minimal version of:
- Ladies being ready to run a household
- Men being ready to support and lead a household
I've seen this play out and there are some practical benefits of being marriage-ready before dating:
- It helps young people choose better when they think of someone as wife or husband material
- It weeds out players who are not serious
- It drives young people to responsibly sooner
Not only are we trying to honor God's design but we want to mitigate the very serious heartache and pain that results from broken relationships that many of us have experienced.
This path is not easy, not for parents or young folks. Everyone else around you will just go along with the culture of casual dating. Other parents will say "what's the big deal", but many will secretly wish they had done it your way.
Revival in the hearts of young lovers!
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. —Proverbs 22:6